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| credit: BBC |
89
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DIANA: Will you speak your purpose, woman?
90
00:06:52,438 --> 00:06:55,561
JANE: I just wanted to explain about leaving the grave.
91
00:06:56,532 --> 00:06:57,947
TOM: Leaving the grave? JANE: Yes.
92
00:06:58,862 --> 00:07:01,163
TOM: Like Lazarus? JANE: No, me.
93
00:07:03,099 --> 00:07:05,047
TOM: And when did you leave the grave, Jane?
94
00:07:05,047 --> 00:07:05,948
JANE: This afternoon.
95
00:07:07,183 --> 00:07:07,890
TOM: And when did you die?
96
00:07:08,618 --> 00:07:10,121
JANE: I haven't died, Tom.
97
00:07:10,818 --> 00:07:14,569
TOM: Well, that's cheating, Jane. You can't rise from the dead, if you haven't died.
98
00:07:15,297 --> 00:07:19,086
I mean Lazarus would never have got his top billing in the bible if he'd come out of the tomb saying,
99
00:07:19,201 --> 00:07:24,873
"Hello, I've just risen from the dead," when everyone knew he'd been down at the pub.
100
00:07:26,618 --> 00:07:30,201
You can't cheat your way into world history, Jane. Can she, Diana?
101
00:07:30,201 --> 00:07:31,796
DIANA: Oh, absolutely not.
102
00:07:31,796 --> 00:07:36,662
JANE: I was referring to my premature departure from the grave side this afternoon.
103
00:07:37,134 --> 00:07:39,313
DIANA: And what was Harvey's important engagement?
104
00:07:39,692 --> 00:07:40,734
JANE: Oh, he had to see his tailor.
105
00:07:40,734 --> 00:07:42,704
DIANA: Oh, good. I am glad.
106
00:07:42,704 --> 00:07:49,693
We may all be dropping like flies, but at least we can be happy in the knowledge that Harvey will see
us off in the best that polyester can offer.
107
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:55,146
JANE: Oh, please, Diana. I came to talk about Harry and his death.
108
00:07:55,461 --> 00:07:56,252
DIANA: Well, what about it?
109
00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:58,430
JANE: Well, we don't want it to happen again.
110
00:07:58,430 --> 00:08:02,812
DIANA: I don't suppose it will happen again. Not while Harry remains dead.
111
00:08:03,106 --> 00:08:06,650
JANE: No, I mean we don't want people dying on their own.
112
00:08:06,963 --> 00:08:08,986
DIANA: Oh, you mean you want us to pop off in groups.
113
00:08:09,986 --> 00:08:11,812
JANE: No!
114
00:08:11,812 --> 00:08:14,134
DIANA: You mean into the minibus and over the nearest cliff.
115
00:08:14,134 --> 00:08:18,356
TOM: She means that a dying person should not be alone.
116
00:08:18,356 --> 00:08:22,471
JANE: Yes, and there should be more than four people round the grave side.
117
00:08:22,998 --> 00:08:25,876
DIANA: And those people should be at the right grave at the right time. JANE: Yes.
118
00:08:26,147 --> 00:08:29,201
TOM: Yes, surrounded by friends and relatives. JANE: Right.
119
00:08:29,201 --> 00:08:30,859
TOM: And little children. JANE: Yes.
120
00:08:30,859 --> 00:08:37,927
TOM: And passing revellers, jugglers, acrobats, clowns - people with webbed feet. DIANA: Oh, shut up!
121
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It's a horrible idea.
122
00:08:39,944 --> 00:08:48,707
The last thing you want when you're trying to eke out your final gasps is a bunch of bloody sightseers snuffling around and whipping things off your mantelpiece.
123
00:08:48,385 --> 00:08:52,753
To hell with that. When I go, I want to go solo, thank you very much.
124
00:08:53,359 --> 00:08:55,490
JANE: Oh, well, you're just very odd, Diana.
125
00:08:55,490 --> 00:08:57,874
I'm sure Tom wouldn't want to be on his own.
126
00:08:58,339 --> 00:08:59,307
TOM: Absolutely not.
127
00:08:59,307 --> 00:09:04,345
I'm going to be attended by a phalanx of Viking warriors.
128
00:09:04,841 --> 00:09:05,991
JANE: Oh, a what?
129
00:09:05,991 --> 00:09:06,694
DIANA: Don't ask.
130
00:09:07,512 --> 00:09:13,154
TOM: I'm going to have a Viking funeral. Tied to the mast of my ship, and shoved off into the mists.
131
00:09:13,154 --> 00:09:18,974
Farewell, Tom dragon slayer, ye noble raper and pillager.
132
00:09:20,588 --> 00:09:21,717
Well, pillager at any rate.
133
00:09:23,197 --> 00:09:28,293
Don't approve of the rape bit. Never understood why they had to go together. And which did you do first?
134
00:09:28,293 --> 00:09:32,037
You wouldn't want to be raping while the others were pillaging,
135
00:09:33,248 --> 00:09:38,599
burning rafters crashing down on your bouncing bum. JANE: Oh, for God's sake!
136
00:09:39,572 --> 00:09:42,968
DIANA: Jane, will you please say what you came to say, or we'll all be dead.
137
00:09:43,621 --> 00:09:48,705
JANE: Well, I think … DIANA: Yes? JANE: I think we should care more for each other.
138
00:09:49,904 --> 00:09:51,778
DIANA: Well, that's it, is it? That's your great message?
139
00:09:52,382 --> 00:09:54,146
JANE: Yes. DIANA: How wet!
140
00:09:55,472 --> 00:09:57,152
TOM: Well, I think it's a very good idea.
141
00:09:57,374 --> 00:09:59,515
JANE: I want to make it official policy.
142
00:09:59,515 --> 00:10:02,486
DIANA: And what does our favourite enema say about that?
143
00:10:03,168 --> 00:10:08,487
JANE: Harvey says … Harvey is happy to discuss any new ideas.
144
00:10:08,487 --> 00:10:09,847
DIANA: As long as it doesn't cost him anything.
145
00:10:10,650 --> 00:10:13,450
JANE: There's far too much isolation around here.
146
00:10:14,410 --> 00:10:17,446
We should all be reaching out to each other.
147
00:10:17,446 --> 00:10:33,322
Talking, feeling, loving one another so that never again does a resident reach that final hour without oodles of love and companionship to help them on their way across the great shining plain.
148
00:10:33,322 --> 00:10:35,109
TOM: Hear, hear!
149
00:10:35,637 --> 00:10:38,798
I'm with you, Jane. JANE: Oh, good, Tom! Diana?
150
00:10:39,838 --> 00:10:38,798
DIANA: I think I'm going to be sick.
151
00:10:43,564 --> 00:10:46,798
Voila, Antonio. Un autre weed.
152
00:10:47,340 --> 00:10:48,059
Pullez it up.
153
00:10:49,597 --> 00:10:51,913
C'est le clover.
154
00:10:52,366 --> 00:10:54,557
C'est tres mal pour l'herbe.
155
00:10:55,248 --> 00:10:57,894
Oh, God. dismal Lisbon riff raff.
156
00:10:59,308 --> 00:11:02,221
Ow! My bloody back.
157
00:11:02,908 --> 00:11:05,209
Well, do something, you fool.
158
00:11:07,454 --> 00:11:13,067
Faites quelque chose, cretin. Aidez moi.
159
00:11:12,750 --> 00:11:14,659
ANTONIO: Oh!
160
00:11:16,577 --> 00:11:17,848
DIANA: Bastard!
161
00:11:19,430 --> 00:11:21,381
Tom! Jane!
162
00:11:22,341 --> 00:11:25,364
Anyone! Is there anyone still alive?
163
00:11:25,364 --> 00:11:26,375
BASIL: Hello, Diana.
164
00:11:27,421 --> 00:11:28,832
DIANA: Hello, Basil.
165
00:11:28,832 --> 00:11:30,933
BASIL: Talking to the grass, are you?
166
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,477
DIANA: Help me to that seat.
167
00:11:33,477 --> 00:11:34,267
BASIL: Oh, okay then.
168
00:11:34,267 --> 00:11:37,092
Come on then.
169
00:11:39,882 --> 00:11:41,087
A bad back, is it?
170
00:11:41,087 --> 00:11:43,548
DIANA: No, Basil, it's an ingrowing toenail.
171
00:11:45,959 --> 00:11:48,181
BASIL: What brought this on?
172
00:11:48,514 --> 00:11:48,514
DIANA: Well, I have a nasty little pseudo-arthritic complaint which is kept at bay with steroids.
173
00:11:55,312 --> 00:11:54,345
But they make my bones very brittle.
174
00:11:57,847 --> 00:12:02,043
BASIL: Ah, ah, there.
175
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,762
Like me to give you a massage?
176
00:12:06,762 --> 00:12:08,701
DIANA: No, I would not, you filthy little beast.
177
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:13,092
We all know about the Basil Makepeace massage parlour, thank you.
178
00:12:13,092 --> 00:12:16,077
BASIL: I give a lot of pleasure and comfort. DIANA: Don't boast.
179
00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:18,485
BASIL: It's all I was ever any good at.
180
00:12:18,497 --> 00:12:20,210
DIANA: Well, don't try it with me.
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